The Hypocrite in Me

I am currently reading Ben Cousin's biography and I was all set to write an angry, bitter post about how he was gifted with a healthy body and is ruining it through his drug use while there are so many out there, such as myself, who are fighting for their lives. Then I realised what a hypocrite I was being. It was only 15 or so years ago that I was drinking myself stupid most nights and my health was the furthermost thing from my mind. I held my 21st birthday party in my then home with my ex-husband Michael and my family were distraught at the amount of empty vodka bottles I had "decorated" the living room picture shelf with; there was real worry in my family because we have a history of alcoholism. Ironically it was vanity rather than self-preservation that made me stop drinking, alcohol made my skin flare up and my face looked like permanently sunburned and lobster-ish so that's why I stopped drinking. So how hypocritical would it be of me to give Ben Cousins, a confessed drug addict, a huge spray about valuing his body blah blah blah, when for years I didn't value my own?

My goodness, for so many years I took my health for granted. Yes I had cf, but it had such a small impact on my life that I spent very little time dwelling on it. Apart from having my medication, I've always been pretty spot-on with that and doing airway clearance when I needed it, I had really neglected those extra things that could have made such a difference now. Such as exercise, when I could go for a run it was just something that I could do, I never approached it as a tool to give me years of extra life therefore something to be done regularly. The same with swimming. For one entire summer Michael and I got up at daybreak and swam laps at the local pool 5 mornings a week. My breathers were improving and we both loved it, but then we just never got around to it again the next summer.

I guess I am going through something that most pre-transplant patients must go through; looking back and seeing all of the things they should have done differently. Eating right, minimal alcohol consumption, exercise, they are all wonderful things that every human being should do, however for someone with cf doing these things are imperative rather than just a good idea. If I could sit a young Kylie Lowe down and give her some advice what would it be? I would tell her that every time you do something good for yourself now, it will be worth it, for it will give you an extra day on earth without the prospect of transplant looming over you. And I would tell her not to get married so young, no matter how in love you are. Oh, and most importantly don't get your hair cut short on a whim, it will take years to grow back!

love

K