What I'm Reading

I'm currently reading a great book titled "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell and it has really had an impact on me. In it he talks about the two very different paths of two geniuses; one with an enormous IQ, growing up on the right side of the tracks and going on to huge academic success, the other growing up on the wrong side of the tracks, achieving absolutely no academic success yet his IQ is considerably higher. Now I grew up poor, real poor and I also had the distinct disadvantage of being an ugly child, so as a poor, ugly child I learned very early on that it was best to be as invisible as possible and not draw attention to myself. Malcolm Gladwell argues in his book that the difference between the success and non-success of the two geniuses is the social structure they grew up in, in a nutshell poor people teach their children to be meek and subserviant and obey orders wheares middle-upper class people teach their children to speak up for themselves and to be noticed and confident.

Now this is a huge revelation to me; I thought that I just happened to be ugly, shy and poor but if I look back, I learned to not draw attention to myself otherwise I would be ridiculed or bullied. The thing that really blows my mind is the far reaching implications this "learning" has had for me as a child, as an adolescent and as an adult. I'm very different now to how I used to be; shy, self-hating with no self-confidence yet I still have to force myself to speak up and stand up for myself, particularly when with figures of authority. 

When I'm sitting listening to one of the transplant team tell me that I am going to do something or other, my first instinct is to say ok, and just do whatever they tell me to, but I force myself to question them, to ask, Why? What are the possible side-effects? How long do I have to do this for? It's a real challenge to me. Even though I appear to be a successful, together woman, and for most parts I am, but there is still a little tiny Kylie inside me whispering "Be quiet, don't draw attention to us, be invisible!" This little voice gets smaller all the time, but it takes effort. It takes a constant positive inner dialogue and healthy self-talk. 

But its worth it, its so worth it.

Love

Kylie