Eating habits

Since transplant I have put on 8 kilos because of the steroids that I am taking and I am told that as I decrease the dosage of my meds, the weight will also decrease. However I am eating constantly and I had to have a procedure last week where I was hooked up to a little computer device and I couldn't eat between meals, which was really difficult for me as I am a grazer and eat all day. What I noticed was that I wasn't particularly hungry between meals but that  I wanted to eat; impulsively and habitually, so I'm now concerned that I'm developing some unhealthy eating habits. Let me explain; by impulsively I mean that I eat just because its there, not because I really want to eat but just because it was something to do and it was there. By habitually I mean that one day I picked up a bag of lollies from the petrol station, well I now feel a  craving for a bag of lollies every time I pass a petrol station.

And coffee, oh love of my life! I drink too much coffee, to me anyway and I thought about it today and realised its the fact that its a hot beverage that attracts me to coffee, it nourishes me unlike cold drinks and also drinking coffee makes me feel like an adult. When I was little my mum used to drink coffee in the morning so in my little-girl-brain, only grown ups drink coffee hence drinking coffee now makes me feel grown up. I know this all sounds silly and trivial but this is the kind of introspection and self-realisation that I thrive on.

I've never had a weight issue before, in fact I had the opposite; before transplant I was drastically underweight and had no appetite what so ever so I had to force myself to eat at all so eating like I am now and feeling as bloated as I do now is really foreign to me. Look, I know that 58 kilos is not overweight for my height, but I feel uncomfortable looking at myself in front of the mirror.

Love

Kylie