Well as my title suggests, I have another chest infection and I'm in hospital again. As I've mentioned in a previous post, I walk extremely slowly now, around the pace of a snail and I have to stop every 10 meters or so to catch my breath. What I am having trouble getting my head around is that I used to only be like this when I was sick, but that's my normal now. I have a constant battle with my head, in my mind I can still do a 3km fun run, but its extremely hard to come to terms with the fact that my body can't do what my mind wants it to anymore.
Never before in my life have I seen myself as a sick person and I still don't want to now. Seeing myself as a sick woman just isn't who I am and I have worked so hard to build my self-esteem and a positive self-image, how do I incorporate 'sick' into that and not have it effect me negatively? I really don't know and I think I'd rather see this as just a glitch in my life that has slowed me down for a couple of years but I'll come out of it better than ever.
I hate it when someone whom has survived a terrible illness says about themselves, 'I wouldn't be the person I am today without the cancer/accident/fire' I think that's crap, I know that these survivors say this in order to make sense of what they have been through, but I think that it is giving an illness or tragedy way too much credit and power. Bad things happen to good people, but that doesn't mean that the person wouldn't have grown and developed inner strength if they hadn't lived through a terrible ordeal.
Anyhoo, that's my opinion on the subject. I would be awsome without cf!
love
K
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