It has always fascinated me when a man and woman become engaged and suddenly their whole lives are taken up with planning the wedding then they find themselves married and have no idea how to be a husband and wife to each other. Even though my ex-husband Michael and I got engaged when I was 16 and he was 17, we talked extensively about what kind of marriage we wanted to have and this guided us through all the wedding preparation dramas. The decision to spend our lives together was quite a long one for Brad and I, mostly because of my personal issues and my health but none the less we have still discussed in detail how we want our union to be, which will be very different from the one that Michael and I had simply because I am a completely different person now. Brad and I know what we want our marriage to feel like, we know that things will change and we know that we are each others first priority, first time and every time.
I personally have found that you become truly married over time, through all the bouts of diarrhoea and arguments over the remote, and the visiting in-laws driving you crazy, the small and large moments that you could never plan for, but you find yourselves in none the less and you get through them, together. This is the making of a marriage, the making of a husband, the making of a wife. I know that when I'm laying in a hospital bed after I've had the transplant and Brad isn't there to visit me yet, I won't be thinking about the colour of the ribbons on the handle of the knife used to cut the cake at our wedding. I will remember that Brad has never let me down when he tells me he will do something. I will remember that Brad likes to buy me a treatie to make me smile one his way to the hospital, a packet of lollies, a chocolate bar or a magazine. I will remember that Brad will sit through an entire episode of The Bold and the Beautiful when I'm in hospital, even though he hates it but he knows that I love the show.
Brad and I have gone through some hard times and I remember at one particularly emotional junction I was asking myself what did I want in my partner? My answer was simply this: I need my partner to be my soft place when I fall. That's what I need in my husband as well. And Brad always has been that for me, whether we were just friends before we dated, or broken up and apart from each other, Brad has never wavered in supporting me and plain caring about me. Recently we got in the car to go out and before he started the car, Brad turned to me, kissed my hand and looked into my eyes. He told me that he just wanted me to know that even though lots has happened in our lives, he still wants to date me and hang out with me and be with me just as much as he did that first time we went rock climbing together.
How lucky am I? Not only do I get to live my life with my best friend and lover, but I get to marry him as well. I am the luckiest girl in the world.
love
K
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