Memory Making

Let me tell you a story. A few years ago I met a lady whom had 4 children under 6, I had heard all about her children, particularly “the troublemaker;” the eldest child, a little boy we’ll call Samuel, who was from her first marriage, which had ended very badly, with a lot of bitterness and pain. The other 3 were to her second marriage which was very happy and satisfying. I was visiting her at home and I met her kids, the baby of the family was around 18 months old, the next was another sweet little girl around 3, then there was a boy who was 5. And then there was Samuel, a blonde haired blue eyed angelic looking child whom clearly adored his mother. The first thing that I noticed was how she treated Samuel like a servant, this 6 year old boy fetched for her, cleaned for her, changed nappies, prepared bottles for his little brother and sisters, the kid was run ragged. He was pushing his youngest sister on the swing; she was the baby of the family and the absolute apple of her mothers’ eye, when suddenly we heard a scream. We rushed outside to find the little girl on the ground crying with Samuel trying to comfort her. He quickly tried to explain to his mother that she had fallen out of the swing, but she wouldn’t listen. She picked up the baby and went berserk at Samuel, “You pushed her, I know you did! I hate you Samuel, I wish you father would take you!” This little boy stood there and just took the abuse; what else could he do? His little face fell and then, and this is what really scared me, his expression went completely blank, he had obviously had this kind of treatment off his mother many times before. I was really haunted by this little boy; I went home that night with him on my mind.

I have two godsons; one of them was spending the day with me when he was about 4 years old. We decided to go for a walk to the local library and as we walked along we passed a house with a high timber fence. The next thing we knew, a huge dog ran to the fence and started barking viscously at us. Instantly I grabbed my godson and ran. Now, the dog didn’t break through the fence and chase us as I thought it was going to, but it was a scary experience for both my godson and I and we were a bit shaken up, but over all fine. It was a few years later at a family barbeque that my godson brought this incident up, and he very proudly told the family how brave I was and that I had saved him from the big dog. Apparently I was a hero as far as he was concerned; his memory isn’t of how quickly the whole thing was over, his memory is of the dog trying to get us through fence and me saving him from being eaten by the big scary dog. You know what, I’m fine with him having this memory of me, any memory where I am the hero is all good, but what I really care about is that my godson has a memory that he will take into adulthood where I took care of him, I was there for him; that’s what important to me. I think that sometimes as adults we get so caught up in just surviving life that we forget that those little eyes and ears that we’re so busy taking care of are soaking everything up and making memories of the simplest things that they will carry into adulthood.

I’m happy to tell you that Samuel’s life took a turn for the better; he eventually went to live with his father and his new wife where he was loved and nurtured for the wonderful little boy that he was. He went on to become a strong, confident man with far more positive memories of his childhood than negative ones. I've learned a lot from meeting Samuel, now if I find myself snapping at a child, I think to myself, “Is this a memory that I want this child to carry with them for the rest of their lives?”